


Breathe In, Breathe Out

by theonlywaterintheforest



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Episode: s05e13 The Big Bang, Family, First Meetings, Gen, Missing Scene, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 16:44:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonlywaterintheforest/pseuds/theonlywaterintheforest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River Song had lived her whole life "knowing" she would never meet him, until he asked for a cigarette at her parents's wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe In, Breathe Out

River Song sat down on a cold marble step. She fumbled about in the left pocket of her coat, and then her right, and finally found what she was looking for: a cigarette.

She didn't smoke often, but every once and awhile she'd let herself have just one. It was a bad practice this regeneration started while she was in New York, 1938, a time when everyone smoked. It became a habit after a short bout with Torchwood (a favor she owed to Jack after he helped her out of a particularly troublesome situation). A small laugh escaped her lips. Jack truly was the worst influence in every way possible. 

The Doctor didn't know she did this, and she hoped he'd never find out. He wouldn't approve. Tonight he was just a few feet away, but it had been a strange enough day that she couldn't resist lighting up. She could say it was because of her hatred for weddings, but that would be a lie. Really, River was giving in to her vice because it just was odd to show up to a wedding where the bride and groom didn't even remember you existed because they had just helped reboot the universe.

It was also a bit unnerving to hang out with your parents on the day of your own conception.

Time travel is so complicated.

River had showed up to the wedding of Amy Pond and Rory Williams unannounced and generally unnoticed. She snuck into the ceremony late, standing at the back of the church. She hung around the edges of the crowd before the reception started, only making her way into the mass of people to hand Rory her cobalt blue diary. When the toasts were made, she was hidden near an open window at the back of the hall. She had to witness the moment her mother's memories were jogged at the sight of the blue diary and the Doctor appeared seemingly out of thin air, giving everyone the shock of their lives. 

Now day had turned to night, and everyone was on the dance floor. River had made her way to the garden, wanting to avoid the people and just have a smoke while the bad 1980s pop music blared noisily in the background.

Her hand dove back into her left pocket and pulled out a tiny, nondescript metal lighter. She flicked the miniature wheel once, twice, three times before the flame held. She lit the cigarette, took a big, fast pull, and let the smoke slowly escape her lips. She felt instantly more at ease. She let her posture slacken, curving her spine and resting an elbow on her knee. From that position, she toed off her heels and took another pull. 

"You don't happen to have another one of those, do ya?"

She jumped. Embers tumbled to the marble and River choked on the smoke still in her throat. She quickly spun to the voice behind her as she coughed into her fist. A short, balding man in a charcoal grey suit was standing behind her, hands in his pockets as he teetered back on his heels. Not trusting herself with words for a few more seconds, she nodded in response. Normally River only carried one cigarette at a time so she wasn't tempted to have a second. She usually bummed them off young, hungry-eyed men at intergalactic bars to save for these occasions, but she actually had a whole pack with her today. She knew it was going to be a strange one, which is a big thing to claim when you can travel through time and space and the timeline of the people who gave birth to you is running opposite your own.

She quickly found the box and the lighter and handed them to him. He nodded in appreciation. "May I?" he asked, gesturing to the step beside her.

"Oh, yes, of course," she responded hoarsely, still reeling from her coughing attack. She moved over about a foot so he could join her on the steps. He gave a hefty sigh of relief when he made contact with the marble, wigged once to get adjusted, then lit the cigarette. He too took a large, fast pull, and released the smoke slowly. River wanted to smile at the similarity, but she couldn't. _Can't give yourself away, darling,_ she thought to herself. _He wouldn't understand. He'd think you're crazy._

He silently held out his hand to River, who gave it a firm shake. "Thank you," he started. She nodded in response. "It's been a long, rough day." She nodded again. She watched him take a couple of fast pulls, the relief washing down his face. He smiled. "I don't think we've met. I'm Augustus Pond."

She knew who he was.

"I'm—" she started, then hesitated. She never thought she'd have this moment and now that it was here, she was unprepared and a bit wowed by it. "I'm...Melody. Smith." Giving him River Song felt inappropriate, like she didn't appreciate the gravitas of the situation before her. Melody Pond was even worse because nothing would give herself away more than those words. He could never truly meet her as she actually was. He could never know she was his granddaughter. His only grandchild. 

_God, that just feels weird,_ she thought. She hastily drew another pull from her cigarette as she stared at him. He stared back, giving her such an intense glare she felt like he was boring a hole between her eyes. She knew he didn't buy that name for a second. Like father, like daughter; like mother, like daughter. You can't fool a Pond. 

He played along anyway. "Another Melody, heh? Do you know Mels? Being my Amelia's best friend an' all, I thought she'd make an appearance. But I hear she doesn't like weddings," he said, his focus now among the stars. He brought the cigarette back to his lips. "I haven't seen that girl in ages."

An uncomfortable tightening—jealousy—occurred in her chest. In her own timeline, her own past, Mels Zucker never met Augustus or Tabetha. Due to the paradox they had created with the Pandorica, she had no memories of meeting her grandparents as Mels. She could have had so much time with them. 

"I'm generally not fond of them either, weddings," River muttered, flicking her cigarette to clear the ash, then brought it back to her lips. 

"Would that be why you were at the back of the church and then was the first person to leave?" he said with a casual air as he leaned back to put his weight on his right hand behind him. River held her cigarette midair as she blinked at him. _Observant. Did I get that from him?_

He raised an eyebrow and she immediately gave her lips an excuse not to talk. She took an extra large pull on the cigarette, getting it down to the filter. She shrugged her shoulders and raised an eyebrow in response to his question. 

She couldn't believe how speechless she was. Normally full of witty or intelligent responses, River always had the right thing to say at the right time. But this was different, this was was something she thought would never happen. Sure, as Mels she conversed with her paternal grandfather on many occasions, but this was the earliest time she could have possibly met her grandparents on her mother's side. This meeting was unexpected, unplanned, and unbelievable. Her mind raced of moments that could have been: Saturday morning breakfasts, proper scoldings, birthday parties, jail bailouts. Had Augustus and Tabetha not gotten sucked in to the crack in Amy's wall, her childhood may have been...normal. Well, normal-ish. Maybe she would have set less fires and broken fewer hearts. 

This is not entirely Amy and Rory's faults, though. It's hard to raise a child when you're only children yourselves. 

Augustus was apparently okay with the silence that fell between them, just glancing around the garden, gazing up at the stars (unusually bright tonight, probably the Doctor's doing), and shooting her a questioning glance when he thought she wasn't paying attention. She was. She was paying attention to him. She had to. Her _Grandfather._ She was sitting here, having a smoke with her old granddad. She wouldn't have it any other way, of course, but the whole situation just still blew her mind. She thought after all these years and all these adventures, few things would still dazzle her. She was glad to see she was wrong.

"So, how do you know Amelia and Rory? I don't think they've ever mentioned you before." Again, the truth could not be told. River spent most of this regeneration telling lies, so it's not like this was new to her. Plus, to tell the truth she would have to tell him two stories: the first time River met Amy and the true first time they met, the day Amy gave birth to her. Even she didn't know how Amy met River for the first time. 

She went with a lie laced with truths. "I met Rory in Germany." Oh, she wished she could tell him the story because it's a wonderful one, it really is, but even if he did believe her, he'd surely go running off to tell that to Amy and Rory. Not that it would really spoil their future selves because what would they even do with the words she just said? "I met a woman outside named Melody Smith who told me she met you, Rory, in Germany!" She knew Rory had never been to Germany before the day he socked Hitler in the face—which hadn't happened in his timeline yet. 

The more she thought about it, the more she realized she had really been an idiot with the things she had been telling him. They knew River was there, and it's not hard to guess who the woman in the black coat and pearls with a massive shock of golden hair was, even if they didn't recognize the name. But, what if that itself seemed suspicious? Why would she be calling herself by the name of their old friend? Why would she be using the Doctor's preferred fake surname? And Augustus would eventually find out that Rory had never been to Germany, and even if he had, why did he befriend a woman who appeared to be twice his age? She swore at herself in Gallifreyian quietly, quickly fumbling for a new cigarette so she would have more time to _think_ about what she was saying before she said it. She also thought hard about appearing a younger age. Just a couple years, nothing drastic. Lose as many years as she could without being obvious. She was lucky the lighting out in the garden was very dim. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see that Augustus sensed a lie in this statement, too. It was the twinkle in his eye and the sheepish grin on his lips. She thought about maybe modifying the statement a little, saying she had misspoke, clearly had too much wine: no, she met Rory in a German _class_ , at university. But that too could be suspicious. And she didn't know if Rory ever took a German class. Didn't really seem like his thing, German. 

_Dammit, River._

Getting up and bolting? Also suspicious. She figured she had to endure it until this new cigarette was gone— _why on earth did I light another one? Stupid!_ —and just gave Augustus a quick closed lip smile in between pulls. His smirk didn't budge. She felt heat rise in her face. 

_New subject, new subject, new subject, OH—_ "Another? You must be relieved that this stressful day is nearly over. Your baby girl is married, nothing you can do to stop it from happening now." She shook the box in her hands and cocked an eyebrow. He drew a large breath like he _really_ should decline (she could tell her grandmother really didn't approve, but he smoked on occasion when she wasn't around), but then let our a hearty chuckle. "Why the hell not? Thanks."

The silence returned. She was relieved. It wasn't as calm and peaceful as it was before, because she could just _hear_ the cogs turning in his brain, but he was no longer staring at her with intense eyes or giving her an all-knowing smirk. She was definitely a Pond, though, this meeting reassured it. How many times had she given the same all-knowing smirk? 

Even though she would have preferred to finish this particular cigarette as quickly as possible, she milked it as long as she could to avoid suspicion that she was running away. Okay, that, and she did enjoy sitting here, having this moment with him. The conversation was awkward and pretty sparse, but she got to _see_ him, _hear_ his voice, _witness_ his mannerisms. She wondered if this was a fixed point in time because she really should give it a do-over, but the more she toyed with the idea of rewriting time, the more she realized this moment was perfect as it was. Normally so collected and cool, always thinking ahead...except for now. Except for today.

The cigarette was down to the filter before she knew it. She wished she had her vortex manipulator because it would resemble a watch; she could pretend to look at the time and say she had to be off. _Why is it so hard for you to come up with a clever escape today?_ she thought. _Maybe you just don't want to leave. Maybe this is the universe pushing you along._ It did that sometimes. 

Then an idea came to her. _Idiot,_ she thought to herself again. "Do you know what time it is? A watch just really doesn't go with this outfit." He lazily glanced at his wrist, holding it in the air to catch the light from the party behind them. She couldn't help but smile at the way the cigarette draped lazily between his lips and how he muttered the time out loud as he tried to decipher it. "Looks like 10:14," he finally responded. Not too early, not too late. 

"Well!" she squeaked, standing up and stretching. "I probably should be off. Time to go see an old friend." This was not a lie; she had plans to meet the Doctor in the Ponds's backyard so she could retrieve her diary and the vortex manipulator. He slowly stood up, took a final pull from the cigarette before dropping it to the ground and putting it out with his toes. 

"I probably should get back in there anyway. My wife will be looking for me, I'm sure."

"Amy will probably come looking for you shortly, too, and you don't want that either," River laughed, but stopped suddenly when she realized the serious look in his eyes. It's like he just knew who she was. Was this what it was like having kids? Just _knowing_ all the time? 

"Well, nice to meet you, Ms. Smith," he said, putting out a hand as he appeared to shake himself out of his trance. "Thank you for the cigarettes." She just stared at his hand for a second before doing the most River-like thing she had done since they sat down on the steps together. She ignored his hand and gave this "stranger" a hug. He tutted a "ho ho!" and hugged back. She wished she could have stayed in that moment longer, but she couldn't be awkward. Well, not any more than she had been.

"We had a smoke together! That deserves a hug," she said as she pulled away, giving him another big closed mouth smile. He smiled back. 

She then slowly walked into the darkness but after twenty or so steps, looked back over her shoulder to give him one last look. He was still staring out after her, even though he couldn't see her any longer.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a really close relationship with my grandfather growing up, so the thought that River would never meet her grandfather—let alone hang out with him—made my heart ache. This one's for you, Grandpa. <3
> 
> ———
> 
> Yes, I realize that if Amy had memories of things she never actually did after they all rebooted the universe, River could too. But maybe she doesn't! There are some parts of the show like that where one thing will happen to one character but won't apply to another or it's a fixed point for the Doctor but not for River...so I went with it. Maybe because she has Timelord DNA she doesn't get implanted with memories after time has been rewritten. Who knows.
> 
> (This was my first work in a long while, so I'm without a beta. Hope it wasn't too bad!)


End file.
